Crushes and fancying people

Crushes are a very normal part of teenage life. You suddenly find yourself strongly attracted to someone else and thinking all sorts of strange thoughts about them. This other person may be:

  • someone you know well, someone you only see from a distance (perhaps at the bus stop on the way to school), or someone you don’t know at all, like a celebrity.
  • a boy, a man, a girl, a woman…
  • someone you see as a role model, or someone completely different from you.
  • someone obviously attractive, or someone with no obvious attractions at all.

You may find yourself:

  • imagining ways you can be near them.
  • thinking of ways you can get them to notice or like you.
  • picturing a wonderful future together (multiple versions).
  • finding out all sorts of strange details about the other person.

Your heart may beat faster when you see the other person or even when you see their name written down on a piece of paper. All this is both quite strange but at the same time perfectly normal.

What should you do about a crush?

You don’t necessarily need to do anything. Most romantic crushes are quite fun while they last, but that isn’t normally for very long. Quite often you don’t really know the person involved very well at all; and if you do get to know them, the magic of the crush wears off. Though if you do get to know them, and are still feeling something special, turn to our section on going out …

Don’t let a crush take over your life. If you think you are spending too much time thinking about the other person, make an effort to do other things; go out with your friends, throw yourself into your schoolwork, get a pet.

Don’t change your life/habits/friends in an effort to get the attention of your crush; either your crush will develop into an actual relationship or it will disappear as quickly as it arrived. In either case, it is important to keep the rest of your life going.

Some girls like to tell their friends about their crushes, others keep them firmly to themselves. It sometimes helps to know that you are not alone, however weird your crush might seem.

You might be embarrassed if your crush is on another girl or a woman, such as a teacher. You might also wonder if this means you are gay or bisexual. The answer is that lots of girls have crushes, often quite intense crushes, on other girls or women, and this does not mean anything about your sexual orientation. Girls often have crushes on people they admire or want to be like, and this is quite likely to be other girls or women. If you think you may be gay or bisexual, read our pages here.

There are particular issues if your crush is on a teacher or other adult. In this case, you must not expect it to develop into a relationship. Enjoy the fantasy and daydreams, but keep them in perspective.

Fancying people

This is like a milder version of a crush. You find certain people attractive and it makes you happy to see them or think about them, but it is not so intense. Often you can fancy lots of different people at the same time.

What should you do if you fancy people?

  • It depends of course who they are. But, generally, the main thing is to enjoy the feeling. It generally makes life more interesting and fun.
  • Don’t think that you need to go out with everyone you fancy. You can enjoy their company and practise some gentle flirting without needing to make any commitment.
  • If you feel that you do want to go out with someone you fancy, turn to our page here.

You might also be interested in the following pages:

Girls or boys?
Going out
Good relationships with teachers