Different expectations in a relationship

It can cause real problems if you expect different things of the relationship, for example:

  • your boyfriend wants to spend every possible minute with you and you want time for hobbies/friends/extra schoolwork as well as him.
  • you want your girlfriend to meet your family and she wants nothing to do with them.
  • your boyfriend thinks the relationship will last for ever and you’re planning to start a whole new life when you go to university.

If you care for each other (as you should) talk about it and see if you can sort it out. Work out what really matters to both of you and see if you can find a compromise that works for both of you. All relationships involve some compromise, but remember:

  • Don’t give up things that are really important to you. For example, if you want to do well at school and your boyfriend insists that you spend all your free time with him, the relationship isn’t going to make you happy. Think about breaking up. See also our page on abusive relationships.
  • Don’t make unreasonable demands. Understand that your boyfriend/girlfriend has a life of their own, and you should allow them some space (see our page on jealousy).
  • Don’t play games. Be honest about what the relationship means to you and don’t lead your boyfriend/girlfriend on.

You might also be interested in our pages on:

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Having a happy relationship
Sort out your relationship differences
Going out – possible issues