When your family or friends don’t like your boyfriend or girlfriend

It can be very hard if your best friends or family don’t like your boyfriend/girlfriend – or if your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t like your best friends or family. You might end up either trying to please both ‘sides’ (and getting worn out in the process), or turning your back on a group of people you actually like and care about.

Minor issues

If the issue isn’t something particularly important (for example, they think he’s a bit boring; or he thinks your family are too noisy), it’s probably best just to separate the different groups in your life and make the most of your different relationships separately.

Spend some time with your boyfriend/girlfriend and some time with your other friends or family. Don’t try to be one big happy group together.

More important issues

There might be more important issues – for example, if your family think that you are being dominated by your boyfriend or he thinks that they are limiting your life choices. These people care about you. Think carefully about what they say: do they have a point? If they don’t, explain why. If they do, decide whether:

  • it’s something that you’re happy to accept. If so, explain to the ‘other side’ why you accept it. Tell them there isn’t much point in them saying any more about it.
  • it’s something you want to change. If so, make the point as politely as you can to your boyfriend/girlfriend/family/friends. Make it clear that it’s your decision and that you’re not just repeating what someone else has said. If they accept the point, well and good. If not, then carry on trying to persuade them. Remember, this is something you have decided that you need to change, for your own benefit.

You might also be interested in our other relationships pages, dealing with friends and families:

Friends (and non-friends)
Good relationships with families of all kinds